Her First Date

Her First Date

If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first
date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date
that a woman had ever had. The winner described her worst first date and
there was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter…Snowing and quite cold… and the guy had
taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and
had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they
were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to
realize that she should not have had that extra latte. !! They were about an
hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her
companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a
point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road,
or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants
down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she
let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood
on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman
and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she
felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As
she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were
firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to
flagpoles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her
exposed flesh from the icy metal.. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new
problem, due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she
answered her date’s concerns about’ what’s taking so long’ with a reply
that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance! He
came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and
then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got
the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they
assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they
also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from
the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first
place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip
his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize
hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down’.

Jay Leno’s comment… “This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed

Oh’ and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was
sitting next to her on the Leno show.

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We  all need  to read this one over and over  – 
until  it becomes part  of who we are!

1.  Try  everything twice.
On one woman’s tombstone she said she wanted this  epitaph:
“Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!”
2.  Keep only  cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you  are one of those grouches!)
3. Keep  learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,  whatever…
Never let the brain get idle.   ‘An idle mind is the  devil’s workshop.’
And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!
4.  Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long  and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who  makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with  HIM  /HER.
6.. The tears  happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our  entire life, is ourselves.
LIVE while you are alive.
7.  Surround yourself with what you love:
whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes,  music, plants, hobbies, whatever..
Your home is your  refuge.
8. Cherish your  health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If  it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don’t take guilt  trips..
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next  city,  state,   to a  foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10.  Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
I love you, my  special friend.
11.  Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second  chance.
And if you don’t send  this to at least 4 people – who cares?
But do share this with someone.
Remember! Lost time  can never be found.
Be kinder  than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of  battle.
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Definitive Answers To 20 Of Your Biggest Health Questions

Definitive Answers To 20 Of Your Biggest Health

Definitive Answers To 20 Of Your Biggest Health Questions. . .



 Does olive oil prevent heart disease?  











Short answer: Yes

The health benefits of  olive oil come from the presence of polyphenols, antioxidants that reduce the risk of heart disease and cancers. But to get these healthy compounds, consumers should buy good-quality, fresh “extra-virgin” olive oil, which has the highest polyphenol content. Most commercially available olive oils have low levels of polyphenols associated with poor harvesting methods, improper storage, and heavy processing.


Do cough syrups work?










Short answer: No

In 2006, the nation’s chest physicians agreed that the majority of over-the-counter cough medicines don’t actually work.  These colourful syrups typically contain doses of codeine and dextromethorphan that are too small to be effective.  Only cough suppressants that contain older antihistamines seem to relieve coughs. That includes brompheniramine, an active ingredient in Dimetapp.


Does sugar cause hyperactivity?










Short answer: No

Following a review of 23 studies, a 1996 report published in the Journal of the American Medical Association concluded that sugar “does not affect the behavior or cognitive performance of children.” The age-old myth that kids misbehave when they eat large amounts of candy, cookies, and other  junk food, could be related to the type of events where these foods are typically served. For example, kids are more wound-up at birthday parties and during Halloween when sweet treats tend to flow freely.


Do sugary soft drinks lead to diabetes?









Short answer: Yes

The majority of health research is stacked against sugar-sweetened soda.  A large 2004 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that women who drank one or more sugary drinks per day increased their risk of developing type 2 diabetes by 83% compared to those who consumed less than one of these beverages per month.



Do I need sunscreen with more than 30 SPF?










Short answer: No

Sunscreens with an SPF (sun protection factor) of 30 block about 97% of ultraviolet rays, while sunscreens with an SPF of higher than 30 block 97%-98%. It’s more important that you choose “broad-spectrum” sunscreen, meaning it protects against both UVB and UVA rays. Sunbathers also need to apply a generous amount of sunscreen in order to get the full benefit of the SPF.



Is the MSG in Chinese likely to give you a headache?










Short answer:No

A review of 40 years of clinical trials, published in the journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners in 2006 found that all previous research “failed to identify a consistent relationship between the consumption of MSG and the constellation of symptoms that comprise the syndrome,” including headaches and asthma attacks. The misconception spawned from several poorly-done small studies in the 1960s that seemed to connect MSG with a variety of maladies that people experienced after eating at Chinese restaurants.


Do nuts make you fat?










Short answer: No

As much as 75% of a nut is fat. But eating fat doesn’t necessarily make you fat.  The bigger factor  leading to weight gain is portion-size. Luckily, nuts are loaded with healthy fats that keep you full. They’re also a good source of protein and fiber.  One study even found that whole almonds have 20% fewer calories than previously thought because a lot of the fat is excreted from the body.



Is walking as effective as running?










Short answer: Yes

Studies have shown that how long you exercise – and thus how many calories you burn – is more  important than how hard you exercise. Running is a more efficient form of exercise, but not necessarily better for you. A six-year study published in the journal Arteriosclerosis, Thrombosis, and Vascular Biology in April found that walking at a moderate pace and running produced similar health benefits, so long as the same amount of energy was expended.



Is drinking fruit juice as good for you as eating fruit?










Short answer: No

Calorie for calorie, whole fruit provides more nutritional benefits than drinking the pure juice of that fruit. That’s because when you liquefy fruit, stripping away the peel and dumping the pulp, many ingredients like fiber, calcium, vitamin C, and other antioxidants are lost.  For comparison, a five-ounce glass of orange juice that contains 69 calories has .3 grams of dietary  fiber and 16 milligrams of calcium, whereas an orange with the same number  of calories packs 3.1 grams of fiber and 60 milligrams of calcium.



Are all wheat breads better for you than white bread?










Short answer: No

Not all wheat breads are created equal. Wheat breads that contain all parts of the grain kernel,  including the nutrient-rich germ and fiber-dense bran, must be labeled  “whole grain” or “whole wheat.” Some wheat breads are just white bread with a little bit of caramel coloring to make the bread appear healthier, according to Reader’s Digest.



Can a hot tub make you sick?










Short answer: Yes

Hot tubs – especially ones in spas, hotels, and gyms – are perfect breeding grounds for germs.  The water is not hot enough to kill bacteria, but is just the right temperature to make microbes grow even faster. Even though hot tubs are treated with chlorine, the heat causes the disinfectant to break down faster than it would in regular pools. The most common hot tub infection is pseudomonas folliculitis, which causes red, itchy bumps. A more dangerous side-effect of soaking in a dirty Jacuzzi is a form of pneumonia known as Legionnaire’s disease.



Does coffee cause cancer?










Short answer: No

Coffee got a bad rap in the 1980s when a study linked drinking coffee to pancreatic cancer. The preliminary report was later debunked. More recently, health studies have swung in favor of the caffeinated beverage. Coffee has been linked to a lower risk of type 2 diabetes, liver cancer, and even suicide.



Do eggs raise cholesterol  levels?










Short answer: No

Although egg yolks are a major source of cholesterol – a waxy substance that resembles fat – researchers have learned that saturated fat has more of an impact on cholesterol in your blood than eating foods that contain cholesterol. “Healthy individuals with normal blood cholesterol levels should now feel free to enjoy foods like eggs in their diet every day,” the lead researcher from a 25-year University of Arizona study on cholesterol concluded.



Can you drink too much  water?










Short answer: Yes

It is very rare for someone to die from drinking too much water, but it can happen.  Overhydrating is most common among elite athletes. Drinking an excess of water – called water intoxication – dilutes the concentration of sodium in the blood leading to a condition known as hyponatremia. The symptoms of hyponatremia can range from nausea and confusion to seizures and even death in severe cases. To avoid this, drink fluids with electrolytes  during extreme exercise events.



Can yogurt ease digestive problems?










Short answer: Yes

Our digestive tract is filled with microorganisms — some good and some bad.  Yogurt contains beneficial bacteria, generically called probiotics, that helps maintain a healthy balance.  Probiotics can relieve several gastrointestinal problems, including constipation and diarrhoea. Certain brands of yogurts, like Active by Dannon are marketed exclusively to treat tummy issues.



Do whitening toothpastes whiten teeth more than regular toothpastes?










Short answer: No

Whitening toothpastes usually contain peroxides and other strong abrasives that might make your  teeth appear whiter by removing stains. Unlike at-home whitening strips and gels that contain bleach, these toothpastes do not actually change the color of your teeth.



Is it safe to microwave food in plastic  containers?










Short answer: Yes

But the plastic container should display the words “microwave safe.”  This means that the Food and Drug Administration has tested the container to make sure no chemicals used make the plastic leech into foods during microwaving.  If chemicals do seep out into food, the amounts are tiny and not dangerous to our health.  As a general guideline, plastic grocery bags as well as most plastic tubs that hold margarine, yogurt, cream cheese, and condiments are not microwave safe.



Can watching TV ruin your eyesight?










Short answer: No

Watching TV will not destroy your rods and cones as the outdated myth suggests.  Before the 1950s, TVs emitted radiation that could increase an individual’s risk of eye problems after excessive TV viewing. Modern TVs have special shielding that blocks these harmful emissions.



Is red wine better for you than white  wine?










Short answer: Yes

Red wine contains much more resveratrol than white wine, an antioxidant found in the skin of grapes that has been shown to fight off diseases associated with aging.



Is bottled water better for you than tap  water?










Short answer: No

Bottled water is no safer or purer than tap water, although it is substantially more expensive.  A recent study by Glasgow University in the U.K. found that bottled water is actually more likely to be contaminated than water from your faucet because it is less well-regulated.  Bottled water and tap water typically come from the same sources – natural springs, lakes, and aquifers.  While public water supplies are tested for contaminants every day, makers of bottled water are only required to test for specific contaminants every week, month, or year.



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Mother’s Driver’s License

Mother’s Driver’s License

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.
“Mommy”, the little girl asks, “How old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age”, the mother replied. “It’s not polite.”
“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really”, the mother says, “Those are personal questions and are really none of your business.”
Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”
“That’s enough questions, young lady! Honestly!”
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
“My Mom won’t tell me anything about her”, the little girl says to her friend.
“Well,’ says the friend, “all you need to do is look at her driver’s license.
It’s like a report card, it has everything on it.”
Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
“I know how old you are. You are 32.”
The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”
“I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.”
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
“How in Heaven’s name did you find that out??”

“And” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you
and daddy got a divorce.”
“Oh really?” the mother asks, “Why is that??”
Because you got an F in sex.
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What causes the most Accidents in the World ..???

What causes the most Accidents in the World ..???

Read to the end !!!!!!

Not cell phones……..Not the radio………Not the GPS monitor……Not talking………….Not texting…………..Not watching a car video……Not

changing a CD…….Not Speeding……..The most frequent causes of accidents in the World are caused by:

Yep !!!…. 
You guessed it !!!…. 
Inappropriate footwear !!!!….


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The longer you’ve been married, the funnier this becomes!

An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:

“For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already
know how to fish!”
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To Be KIND is MORE important than to be right.  Many times, what people need is NOT a brilliant mind that speaks but a SPECIAL HEART that LISTENS.

FindNewPassion.com – Married Dating with social Sophistication

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Water Bed

The German language we do not know… so if you’re able to translate, and some not so nice words are revealed…. we apologize! We did have a big laugh!  : )

A water Bed in a German furniture store.  The sign says NOT to get on the bed, but oh well..  the best way to motivate people to do something is to put up a sign saying “Don’t……..!”

Turn on speakers and watch people trying out the water bed.  It’s in German, but that only makes it funnier.


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The Final Affair

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.  One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.  Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.  The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.  He put on his shoes and drove home.

‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded.  ‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied, ‘I’m having an affair with my secretary.  We had sex all afternoon.’  She looked down at his shoes and said: ‘You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!’

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.  They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.  The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.  The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.  He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.  He told his wife: ‘There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.  Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?’  The wife smiled sweetly and replied: ‘No, not this time!’

The3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.  He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.  Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!  ‘I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,’ the mortician commented, ‘I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.  It must be saved for posterity.’  So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

‘I have something to show you won’t believe,’ he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.  ‘My God!’ the wife exclaimed, ‘Schwartz is dead!’

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.  ‘Hurry,’ she said, ‘stand in the corner.’  She rubbed baby oil all over him, and then dusted him with talcum powder.

‘Don’t move until I tell you,’ she said. ‘Pretend you’re a statue.’  ‘What’s this?’ the husband inquired as he entered the room. ‘Oh it’s a statue,’ she replied.  ‘The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.’  No more was said, not even when they went to bed.  Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.  ‘Here,’ he said to the statue, ‘have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.’

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.  ‘Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.’ ‘One Cent?’ the man exclaimed.  He glanced at the menu and asked: ‘How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?’  ‘A nickel,’ the barman replied.  ‘A nickel?’ exclaimed the man.  ‘Where’s the guy who owns this place?’  The bartender replied: ‘Upstairs, with my wife.’  The man asked: ‘What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?’  The bartender replied: ‘The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.’

The 6th & Best Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.  He looked up and said weakly: ‘I have something I must confess.’ ‘There’s no need to, ‘his wife replied. ‘No,’ he insisted, ‘I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!’  ‘I know,’ she replied… ‘Now just rest and let the poison work!


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4 Common Dating Mistakes WOMEN Make

“To err is human.”

Everyone in this world is prone to making mistakes in every sphere of life. No one is mistake-proof.  No matter how much you try to be perfect you will end making a mistake or two every now and again. When it comes to dating it is no different.

In this blog post we will discuss five things that women do wrongly while dating –

Profile Picture – One of the basic things is the profile picture. Men are visual creatures who are stimulated by visually pleasing things. Thus, a great profile photo is a must in online dating. With thousands of women on online dating sites, you have to make sure that yours stands out with your great profile picture. Don’t post a picture of yourself from three years or longer. Do not post any picture in which you are standing far away or there is someone or something else in it which diverts the attention.

Sharing Too Much Information Too Soon – When you are dating try to be sensible. Men scare easily and talking too much and will usually work against you rather than for you. Talk normally and listen to what your date says.  Don’t be afraid to speak your opinions but don’t conclude that you must speak every thought that comes into your head.  Beware! Don’t share private information about your past, about strange thoughts you may have, and about any controversial subject matter. See what you are talking about.

Possessiveness – One thing that men generally don’t like is possessiveness in a relationship. In fact, married men do not like to be feel possessed. Sure, they are in a relationship with you because they enjoy it. But they want their own space. So be careful about over-contacting him, overdoing public displays of affection and “popping in” unannounced.

Commitment Talk – Men don’t prefer to feel forced when they are in the process of getting to know someone. They don’t want to have to reveal what their future plans are. They also don’t want to know any of this information about you too soon in the dating process. Keep things light and carefree when you’re first getting to know a man like you did in your early dating days. There’s plenty of time to talk about serious commitments.

In the next post we will talk about dating mistakes that men make. Till then, Happy Dating

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